” It’s quite a transition from Commercial Economist to Spiritual Healer”
was an opening line from a coach, who contacted me recently. Yes, you can say that! 🙂
It also shows the journey I took in my twenties, from looking at the world from the material point of view and then slowly but surely shifting to my intuition and opening up to the invisible Energy World and the Psychic Universe.
However, my story of healing and aligning my mind, body and soul started much, much earlier, on a subconscious level.
“You are too much, too emotional and sensitive. No one will ever want to marry you.”
said my beloved dad, who excepted a boy, when my mum fell pregnant and got me instead. He even called me a boy’s name, when I was little and was determined to bring me up, as if I was a boy. He couldn’t deal with emotions, so I wasn’t allowed to cry, because he believed that was a sign of weakness. He measured my worth by my academic skills. He didn’t appreciate my emotional side and creativity at all. (In his defense, I was born into the communist Hungary half a century ago, where women had very little chance to stand out.)
As a result of him, not acknowledging my feminine qualities, what so ever, I got confused, I felt not enough, I had very low self-esteem, and kept beating myself up. I have tried to push myself harder to please my dad, hoping in return to be finally be ACCEPTED, SEEN AND HEARD.
Nothing worked! And it really has affected my self-image. I felt like an OUTLAW, a BLACK SHEEP, A MISFIT, I FELT I DIDN’T BELONG!
I am not one to give up, so I went to university and got a degree in commercial economics to prove my worth to my dad and everyone around me. I wanted to find a way to be acknowledged and respected, so even though it wasn’t my heart’s desire, I have done it. I got appreciation, but it still didn’t get my dad to see, who I was.
I was sure I was doing something wrong. I felt like I was cursed with my emotions, and sensitivity, so I turned to self-development to find answers.
They didn’t come straight away, as I had no idea, I was looking in the wrong places, trapped in the world of the Mind and Masculine qualities. Thinking I became all I could be that the world wants me to be: owning a flat, earning a good salary in a manager position in the capital of Hungary, being in a relationship with an English man, who I got engaged to…
…ME FEELING EMPTY.
I knew something was missing. I sensed there was a whole different world within me, I just somehow needed to free it.
When the opportunity came, after much deliberation, I left my native country with my English fiancee, when I was 35.
Freeing the Inner Feminine – Turning a curse into a blessing
I have already been depressed by then, but I didn’t know the signs. When I got diagnosed, I chose talk therapy and at the same time I have opened up to the Divine, to my intuition and spirit’s guidance. It happened naturally first and then I started getting into it more, so depression became a stepping stone for me to turn a curse into a blessing.
I have realised that depression really is a dead end. Therefore the path I was walking before, was not leading me anywhere.
So I decided to explore how it felt, if and when I allowed myself to be who I truly was. Having an overworking inner masculine side, I started to explore my inner feminine side. However, it was more than going on this adventure for myself, I wanted to help others along the way too.
I have established my business, Spiritual Wonders, in holistic healing in 2010, and the journey has begun. A whole new world opened up to me and I couldn’t have enough of it: reiki, crystal healing, colour therapy, Law of Attraction Coaching, Qigong… On top of learning these different healing modalities, I became the artist, I always wanted to be… I fully unleashed my inner feminine. And it felt soooooooooo good!
During this process I had so many breakthroughs, I kept awakening to higher and higher levels of consciousness. I also surprised myself so many times by finding out about the extent of my psychic abilities and inner gifts. This journey has been and still to this day is incredible!
My intuition guided me to amazing teachers, mentors, like-hearted souls and
I got to experience unconditional love for the first time, from people, who saw me for who I truly was.
I also learnt about my own soul/life purpose. I realised many things happened in my life to show me something I could learn from.
- Like experiencing PSYCHIC ATTACKS, almost destroyed me. However, the recovery process added to my healing work invaluable insights and solutions.
- My marriage, which eventually happened in spite of my dad’s predictions (preceded by two long-term relationships) showed me I was an EMPATH. It made me understand how and why empaths and NARCISSISTS are drawn to each other…
- And I discovered I was part of a TWIN-FLAME connection, and as such, also a STARSEED, which led me to go even deeper into spirituality…
SO MANY “AHA MOMENTS”, SO MANY STORIES TO TELL
It also taught me that being in any of the extremes, either too much in your inner Masculine or inner Feminine, has its toll on you. Finding the way to bring the two into balance is the key!
THERE WAS NOBODY THERE FOR ME, NOBODY REALLY UNDERSTOOD ME.
I grew up being not seen or heard… Thinking I was feeling too much, being too much… too deep, being sensitive, caring too much…
WHEN I REALLY I JUST TRYING TO BE TRUE TO MYSELF.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY OTHERS BUT FELT REALLY LONELY INSIDE. I FELT I DIDN’T BELONG.
Along my journey, I have discovered that feeling too much is a blessing, not a curse!!!
Our society is based on masculine values, where you inevitably fall short. if you have deep feelings and want to allow your vulnerability, intuitive, feminine side to be seen. So all you are doing is making you doubt yourself because
THE SYSTEM YOU MEASURE YOUR SELF-WORTH TOWARDS CAN NOT RECOGNISE, LET ALONE REWARD ANY OF THE FEMININE QUALITIES.
So what can you do?
My mission is to empower, inspire and fill in the gaps for women, who feel they don’t belong, don’t fit in, feel they have to hide who they are.
I FEEL THAT THERE IS A HUGE GAP IN EDUCATION. YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU SHOULD IN REGARDS TO YOUR PHYSICAL BODY, BUT HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOUR ENERGY/SPIRIT SIDE FUNCTIONS.
In the last 11 years I have created and used my own method, which is a unique combination of
- Energy healing tools
- Qigong self-healing art
- Law of Attraction
- Soul Work (developing intuition, channeling)
It is designed to set yourself free, in order to live your best life in alignment with your inner gifts & life/soul purpose.
My work method is to connect with your soul, find your blind spots, and map out how to get to where you wish to be.
By connecting the healing wisdom of the East & West I help you discover
- your Spirit self,
- the energy world and the tools that help you manage your mental and emotional state,
- the secrets of vibrational healing, and how to use them to your advantage,
- how to create by design with the law of Attraction, and manifest what you want,
- how to switch from logic only, to an intuition-based living and celebrate who you are,
- how to live your passion by the rules of the New Paradigm,
- and so much more.
You know your Survivor/ Warrior (Masculine) side already. Get to know your inner Goddess (Feminine) too! Don’t imprison her anymore!
REPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS, TRYING TO BE SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT, JUST SO YOU CAN FIT IN, HAS HORRENDOUS CONSEQUENCES.
To start with, you are selling your soul to fit in, but emotionally you get wounded and distorted to a degree too.
Like so many years after I left my country I still struggled to say “I love you” to my dad, who I loved dearly, and I knew/sensed he did love me deeply too. When he had his heart operation in 2020 ( I was 50 then), I couldn’t go and see him, because of Covid restrictions and I was determined to say to him “I love you” on zoom. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I had to have a month of breath coaching in advance, so I wouldn’t start crying on the call, because it would have made my dad feel really uncomfortable. It has been extremely challenging, but I have done it!!! He couldn’t say a word in response, because he didn’t know how to handle his emotions. I have seen in his eyes, how much it meant for him. Unfortunately, he passed away last year and left a huge hole in my heart. He meant the world to me. I am truly grateful for him to be, who he believed he had to be, because he was my reason and in a weird way my inspiration too, to get to where I am today.
I help women connect to the brilliance of their core identity and soul purpose to heal and recognise more of their True Self.
It can mean breaking through their barriers in love, in money and health by connecting them with their soul and show them a more gentle way of being by turning, what they perceive as a curse, into blessings.
Are you affected by any or all of the above?
Please get in touch. You meant to shine, not to hide! Believe me, there is a way, for you too!
Spiritual guide & Natural healer
Bridging the Physical & the Spiritual